My cat is being needy and literally rubs her face against mine every time I lay down like “Wake up human! You’re on my time now!”
'so, so young,' that is what my psychiatrist tells me. i am so, so young to feel so old. i am twenty one and i want to peel off my skin. i am tired before i wake up. i am staying inside my head. i am feeling the cost of rent.
i can’t live in this body sometimes. i pick at my skin. i shake like a tree in the wind. i don’t run from the rain. i wish i was a hyacinth. i am so young. i wish i were the rocks that get picked up by the waves at the beach; laughing, laughing. they are so old.
i am so, so young; i realize this. i understand when friends gasp at my age. i am old inside. my body is a tree and you can count my rings like you can count the trauma on my skin. you want to rake my leaves. i am a haunted house on the hill. i am old inside. i have ghosts.
i wanted a body like a garden but i pulled too many weeds. i would never say to anyone what i say to myself. when i look in the mirror i see someone else. i am so young.
like a writing desk: laughing, laughing (via poetfire)
my mother always told me i was old in my eyes. in the cold my bones creak and ache. this has never changed. i am a measure for hurricanes. there are shipwrecks in my stomach and burning houses in my veins. i am so, so old.
Things I need to start doing.
Going to bed before 2am.
Getting up before 10am.
Getting to class and work on time.
Running at least 3 days a week.
Setting aside an hour a day to practice hooping, piano, and guitar.
Drinking more water.
Saying what I mean.
Cleaning and doing laundry more regularly.
Eating more regularly/healthy.
Studying at least 2 hours every night.
Applying for scholarships.
Talked to Austin about how fucking terrifying dating is once you officially enter the world of grown-up dating. Seriously though. I’ve only legitimately dated 2 people after high school, one of which is Austin and we were friends since like middle school and the other was Jesse and we all know how that is.
He’s interested in a girl who graduated with me and I actually recently talked to her. Austin and I are both what I like to call serial monogamists. We date one person at a time for very long periods of time. He has only had 3 legit relationships and I’ve really only had 4 (and numerous bed buddies). But he can’t tell if she’s interested or not. And I hate that I can’t give him any insight because I’m a fucking terrible dater and I get awkward and blush a lot and then I start the downward spiral of freaking myself out. It’s too hard. And I don’t like all this dating anxiety. I like to know what’s coming next so I can prepare myself. Like I’ve been talking to a guy for two months, I’ve only met him once and if any of you actually read my personal posts then you know how that went. And you know, I’m pretty resilient when it comes to people walking out of my life. If you don’t act like you care about me then I’m walking away because it’s a waste of my time. On to the next one. But I’ve gotten attached to this one. And it may just be because I’m in that break-up mindset where I just become infatuated with the next one but still. Like we talked a lot more before we met in person but he still says really cute things. Much like your SO would say after you’ve actually been dating for a while. And that’s why it’s so confusing. Because he only talks to me so sparingly now but says things like “I wish you were cuddled up next to me” or “I’m ready to have you in my arms”. Like dude, I know we had sex and I’m amazing and all but I’m not entirely sure if you’re being sincere or just telling me what you think I want to hear. You should clarify that. Not gonna lie, the sex was pretty good but I’d legitimately be heartbroken if that’s all he wanted with me. I’d like to think that I’m a pretty cool cat and that I’m worth getting to know a little better but I can play that game too. I just wish people would be real and stop trying to play it cool. Because being nonchalant about dating isn’t getting you anywhere. If you want to fuck someone just be straight up about it. And if you genuinely like them and want to take them to the movies and cuddle with them in rainy Sundays then fucking tell them. I mean I’m not trying to get married or anything I just want to know where I stand. I’m a big girl, I can handle it. And you know what, there’s people who agree with me on that.
bruh porn titles be so extra and so outta line like u got shit like “HORNY TIGHT ASIAN TEEN GAGS ON MONSTER COCK” like relax why u so loud & specific.